I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
there is glitter all over my balls
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
