Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
