so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
