Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
