I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
FUCK WHALES
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