I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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