Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize