he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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