pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
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Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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