I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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