She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
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Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
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Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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