They should really pass out barf bags in church
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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