I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
