She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize