So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
