Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
now i know why i became what i already was.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
