before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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