So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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