I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
