I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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