took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
People with herpes should wear stickers.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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