is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
