So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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