The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
well, you know. whores of a feather.