We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.