Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??