The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
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All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.