Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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