Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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