He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
