David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Four minutes until I can fart!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
