you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
