If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?