I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!