Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
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I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.