made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
