i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I did not marry a roomba.
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