idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
