i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
