Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
