tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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