This is not my ceiling
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
