walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
