You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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