i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize