He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
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I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.