clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..