I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My pussy is not your playground.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.