I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
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Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?