non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.