Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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