So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
My ATM looks so different sober.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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