Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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