She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
