You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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