You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
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I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
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I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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