I think i peed on brittanys purse
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
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