i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Im part way to drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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